AM I ENOUGH?!!!!
Sep 28, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INWg5hJhv1Q

hey you guys welcome back to my channel
so I am kind of sitting in an odd but
East today yes you're gonna see the
greenery and the nice sign for today um
just because I'm sitting at my computer
and I've been working on a few things
trying to gather up some extra
information um things that I wanted to
discuss and talk about and get your
guys's feedback on some stuff so I got a
really high volume of positive feedback
on my last video stop the diet cycle and
you know I think that it really hits
people on the home button because it's
something that so many people are
struggling with right now and in this
day and age I think the word diet is
more common than what we want to admit I
guess and so I find that learning these
techniques and learning the things that
I'm learning and I'm being able to put
back out to you guys is only going to
continue to feed the positive side of
the diet world if that's what we want to
call it versus just trying to promote a
diet but actually we're promoting a
change of lifestyle which whose I know I
am so in need of a lifestyle change from
everything that I have done I have
introduced so much into my diet again
and when I talk my diet I'm talking my
eating habits my drinking habits with
the soda and you know the processed
foods the sugary foods the the processed
foods I think I said that already but
you know it's just I I have become
sluggish like I said before in my
previous video I eat with no care it's
just I just eat and I don't care what
it's honestly going to do to me
after the fact it's just it sounds good
I want it I let it win me and I do it
and we know that that's just not that's
not how we want to live life surely I
don't you know I want to be able to get
my life back I'm wanting to be able to
you know today Ollie had to go into a
store cuz he's looking for a work shirt
and you know it really broke my heart
because here I had to sit in the car
because there is no way no way I was
going to excuse the kids they're playing
in their playroom there was no way I was
going to be able to make it through the
mall was my back just no way but shortly
a few months ago I would have been able
to because I have lost enough weight to
be able to actually walk and be mobile
and comfortable and so it's hard to
accept that because just like I said
short few months ago I got my life back
I got back my mobility of being able to
do those things so when I decided to do
this with everybody and with myself - it
really was like one of those things that
I thought if it's gonna help me it's
gonna help so many other people out
there because there's so many of us out
there that struggle with the same things
and you know seeing the cycle that cycle
it speaks volumes to so many people and
that's what I received on messages I
cannot believe that cycle is exactly who
I am and that's when I read it for the
first time I just looked at my counselor
I was like oh my gosh like this is
totally me like this is this is me and
so I I knew I knew that this packet
right here was going to hit every Bell
and make him all gqo jingle as I was
doing the workbook because just reading
that cycle alone told me that it all was
gonna be the the words the plan the
everything that I was going to need to
here for the day so we finished up the
first part of that and I hope that you
know you guys were able to go back and
you know listen to that if you you know
if you want to another thing too is if
you want me to spin excuse me if you
want me to scan any of these pages and
email them to you I can do that as well
so just let me know um I totally do not
mind doing this where is my okay
so now we're moving on to the next
segment of this whole thing body trust
is a healing modality a way out of
predictable repetitive pattern of
dieting disordered eating and weight
cycle that is filled by body shame
freedom will not be found in another
plan or program folks focused on the
problem of your body to begin to heal
start by calling out diet cultures and
putting thoughts about weight on the
back burner diet culture conflicts size
and health path Eliza's pathologic
Liza's some bodies more than others
makes thinness a gatekeeper for jobs
benefits comfort accommodation and
encourages the following of external
rules about what when how much to eat
and exercise Virgie Tovar says human
beings need food and movement to survive
diet culture steals food and movement
deeply pathologize --is them and then
commodifies them and sells them back to
us i think i said a few of those words
wrong but i hope you guys understood
what I was saying here are just a some
of the things people do when
participating in diet culture circle the
ones that identify with you calorie
counting judging a day of eating as good
or bad
making up for eating with exercise or
punishment wane measuring your body
and/or food thinking that thinner is
better reading and researching weight
loss plans apologizing for your behavior
and body waiting to live your life until
your body changes believing people in
larger bodies are doing things wrong
bonding over weight loss tragedies
upholding narrow beauty standards with
others
keeping uncomfortable clothes around for
motivation prioritizing the plan over
your social life feeling like you are
always hustling last but not least
hating yourself for not succeeding what
are some other ways you currently
participate in a diet culture so for me
I think I would have circled every
single one of those the only one that I
would have that I think would have been
one I probably or could have not circled
would have been where did it go making
up for eating with exercise and
punishment that would be one that I
wouldn't circle because I don't do that
and the other one is keeping
uncomfortable clothes around for
motivation I don't do that either I
always am that I'm the opposite I will
keep clothes around that are comfortable
to me because I am so self-conscious
that I be darned if you're gonna see me
in something that is to either tight or
a little bit short that's gonna show the
bottom part of my stomach
anything like that that is it is not
gonna touch my body because it just
doesn't go there so that's what I think
I would be doing
bodychecking behaviors tend to hold us
hostage to the diet cycle how do you
currently check your body to see if it's
okay
stand naked in front of a mirror step on
the scale
step on the scale daily step on the
scale multiple times a date fill four
bones are fat scanner room and compare
bodies measure body parts with hands or
tape and then it leaves two blank
circles for you to fill in two things
that you do that check your body to see
if it's okay I personally would stand in
front of uh no I don't stand naked in
front of the mirror like I mean I
clearly I get naked to go in the shower
and stuff so I will look at myself in
the mirror as I'm walking by but I don't
sit there and really examine my body I
guess because here and this is the
craziest part I think with myself is I
can look at myself in the mirror and
maybe because I've been big for so many
years are most of my all my life maybe
it's just I am used to seeing that that
it's not a shock to me it's not like oh
my god like it's not like that however I
do step on this scale I do not step on
the scale daily I do not step on the
scale multiple times in a day I do feel
for fat like where's the extra fat for
the day if can I feel a bone maybe scan
a room to compare bodies I do that very
well and measure body parts with hands
or tape uh no I don't do that either but
there are a few that I did body shaming
ok body shame dieting and disordered
eating harm us in so many ways we lose
confidence in our ability to make good
choices for ourselves as we continue to
spin in an endless predictable cycle
over time trust in ourselves and our
bodies is destroyed and we end up
feeling more disconnected from our own
experiences if you are looking to change
that predictable pattern for shame and
self blame we'd like to show you a way
out
we want you to know it is possible to
regain the trust you had when you are
born into this world your body can
become a safe and welcoming home as it
goes on let's explore body trust is a
way exclusive inclusive
this work is for all bodies there isn't
a different set of rules for you no
matter how much you might feel different
isolated broken or need of fixing body
Trust is an invitation to be part of a
new conversation about bodies one that
nourishes and celebrates who we are and
who we have become including every way
we show up in the world we want you to
know we trust your body regardless of
your size more importantly we trust you
with your body no exceptions
how has your body just as it is helped
you survive in this world that's a good
question how has your body just as it is
helped you survive in this world what
are some ways your body shows up just
for you what are some ways your body
shows up just for you if there were to
be no more judgement about your body
from yourself or others what would you
want to do to take care of yourself we
know it can be hard to imagine a world
without body blame but just try what
would you want to do more of or less of
what would be possible if you decided
your body wasn't the problem
place some thoughts here and make a list
how would you fill complete the sentence
if there was no more waiting for me to
reach my desired weight shape or size I
would now consider what your life would
be like a year from now if you continue
to pursue your desired size shape or
appearance what about five years from
now and that's what we're gonna end or
today because it goes on to the next so
there's some more things for us to
really sit back and think because I
think that on those questions it really
makes a big difference like I am just
astounded at what I'm reading and it's
still it's just the point that we can do
so much together if we really put our
heads together and like I said I had so
many messages of people talking about
their experiences and what they've done
so anyways yeah that's kind of what I am
thinking of doing is just asking about
the the whatever it's called the package
the packet whatever and then also I was
going to update you guys that I actually
have an appointment on Oh what day is it
Monday I have a appointment with
i dark so it's the the medical
nutritionist at my doctor's as well for
weight management so you know I have a
lot going on I'm really excited I'm
excited to see where this is all going
to take us and you know I I feel that
there are good things ahead of me you
know and I believe that I'm going to
beat this I'm going to I'm going to
manage to lose my weight but do it in a
healthy way therefore I don't regain
weight back and I don't do it in a
unhealthy manner you know but also
learning those healthy lifestyles with
food is the biggest thing because I am
so desperate like I am so desperate for
this I want this so bad and I know that
the one and only way that I'm going to
do this is to really be able to put
myself out there so that everybody can
see that I am honest about this I am
struggling I do struggle on a daily
basis there is not a day that goes by
that is not a challenge for me and more
than not I'm going to say that I fail my
challenges because I give in to the
temptations of the things that I
shouldn't be giving into but again I am
a human with a very very very unhealthy
relationship with food therefore I want
to learn that healthy relationship
because food is just food and you know
and the question I get in my head all
the time is Amy it's just food like what
is it got so much to do with you that
you feel so oh like like you have to
have this and you have to have that but
then after I eat it I'm like why did I
even eat that it wasn't like I really
wanted it but I just can't seem to ask
myself
that before I go and do it so anyways
I'm really excited I'm gonna keep you
guys updated on that so I have my
appointment at 8 o'clock Monday morning
with her and then I have my counseling
at 9 o'clock with my counselor on Monday
but you know it's time that I am taking
my life back and you know little by
little I'm going to get back to where I
need to be so that I can start being
active again and I just can start you
know doing the things that I need to do
you know I told ollie today I feel so
just like so upset with myself because
even just the daily tasks of home you
know house cleaning and cooking it's so
hard I mean I'm doing it I am but it
doesn't mean that I'm not doing it with
sometimes tears in my eyes because my
body hurts so bad and I'm pushing
through it and it doesn't matter because
I know that I have to do this for my
family but it doesn't take away that I
just want to have that that life that
I'm not in pain and I'm not have to need
to pop pills and you know which I pop
tylenol as my pill but it's still the
point I don't want to even have to take
tylenol or I don't want to take an
ibuprofen to be able to make it through
a day because of my pain I don't want to
live that life so I need to do something
now because it's already gotten out of
control but I don't want to be you know
knockin on the five and $600 $600 five
or 600 pound life because I know that if
I get past those numbers I don't know
where my life would honestly be because
I could only imagine what life would be
like at batting that price versus what I
am now
you know I hurt now I couldn't imagine
what life would be like if I have-have
allow myself to get to that like it just
it's not even an option because I just
can't
see myself doing that so anyways I just
wanted to catch back up with you guys
read another particle of this notebook
and I will continue to keep doing it I
will continue to keep updating you guys
because you know what I think that
honestly this is where a lot of us are
right now and I think that it's just
part of I think it's just part of what
life is you know this is society right
now this is us the diet world is all
about us because I think that like this
packet has said the diet schemes have
come around so much that now that's like
the first thing people do and a lot of
people have been like Amy have you
thought about weight-loss surgery yes I
thought about it I've talked about it I
have shared my feelings and thoughts on
it and you know to kind of touch base
with that just you know because I have a
lot of new people that I have joined my
channel no I will not do the weight loss
surgery not because I'm against it I
know many many many people that have
added done I do not degrade it but to me
there's multiple reasons why I say I not
you know I it's the diets and our the
the weight loss surgery isn't for me one
there isn't been enough surgeries done
to prove to me that somebody that 70 80
years old is still okay after they've
had weight loss surgery we haven't made
it to those numbers yet so I see people
now that have the had the weight loss
surgery that are struggling now within
just a few short years of surgery could
you imagine what those are going to be
you know 20 30 40 years from the time
they have their surgery second thing is
as I've heard multiple people say the
first six months is when you're going to
see the most change after that it takes
work you're still gonna be exercising
changing your eating habits well in fact
you're gonna change all your eating
habits because you know you have to
still watch what you're eating and like
most people I
Hurd with their stories is they can
never eat the same again meaning you
can't drink when you're eating you can
have sugar you can't have caffeine you
can't you know and you have this dumping
syndrome that happens where you feel
like you've got the flu I mean I don't
want to live life like that
I really don't and I'm not seeing it in
a bad way I'm just saying in general I
don't want to live my life that way
if I have to diet and exercise already
to lose weight why wouldn't I just do it
without the surgery the surgery is not
taking anything away
other than the amount of size of my
stomach other than that it doesn't fix
your mental part which is what is up
here which is what I struggle with is my
psychological this part so a surgery is
not gonna fix this so if the surgery is
not gonna fix this and it's just gonna
fix a little bit on my physical then why
wouldn't I already continue just to do
what I'm doing if I learn the right
relationship with my nutrition so it's
kind of like where I am with the whole
surgery thing and you know like I said I
don't cast shame on anybody that wants
to have the surgery or has had the
surgery like you do you you do what's
best for you I know what's best for me
and I know personally the surgery is
just not for me but it's not I'm not
saying that it's not for everybody there
are people out there that desperately
need to have the surgery because that's
one of the only ways they're gonna make
it but it doesn't mean that it's for me
I am going to close now oh but I hope
that you guys enjoyed the second part of
this video and just continue to push
forward don't forget that we are all
human we're all struggling in this whole
thing called nutrition and healthy
lifestyle you are not alone I'm there
too I am NOT here to judge nor try and
teach you I'm just telling you guys what
I'm learning from my nutritionist and if
there's something that I've learned that
I think has helped me maybe there's
something out there that might help you
and that's the only reason that I feel
led to continue to share this again if
you enjoyed this please give me a thumbs
up so I know to continue to do these
type of videos along with everything
else that I've been doing and take care
of you guys I will talk to you guys
again very soon bye bye